Friendship, Faith and Relationships

To me, LIFE is really all about building relationships. Relationships come from developing lasting friendships with those around us; it's about supporting and loving one another. Relationships are hard work. So, why do we build them? What do we expect from them? How do we keep them strong? What do you have to give to others? When you "move on" does it really serve anyone, and are you doing so at the expense of others? What is the other person's paradigm? Can either party see beyond themselves and their own feelings? When you participate in relationship building, do you speak with love or spite?

These are just but a few of the questions and actions that impact the strength of our bonds. We all experience life in different ways. We must take the time to learn how we can improve the lives of those with whom we associate in a positive way. Friendship should never be toxic to yourself or others. It is a moral and ethical imperative that we build lasting relationships that promote strength and goodwill toward others. We all struggle at different times in our lives; faith, family, friendship, finances, following - just to name a few. If your approach to life is to take what you can (what's in it for me) and have an attitude of "you get what you get in life"; you are missing the point. Friendship is supposed to compliment, not take. Friendships in LIFE should have direction and purpose.

When we operate from a standpoint of "what can I give?", we find knowledge of self and we develop our ability to love as a verb, not as a result of just physical/emotional feelings. Feelings are human, they are not trustworthy in that they frequently are of the "cause & effect" variety. Our environment, the words and actions of others create situations that force us to make choices. If you operate only from a standpoint of how do I feel about it, you only see a third of the relationship. How you feel, how the other person feels, and how those around you feel are all intertwined and frequently misunderstood. Unfortunately, it requires all parties to think equally of the other and that is only possible when learning takes place together and the intent is to serve.

On the other hand, friendships cannot be simply logical either. Logic blocks emotion and forces us to see things as black & white. It's not a healthy viewpoint in that the logical person becomes selfish when they don't take into account the feelings and emotional state of others. That said - can one person really be everything, everywhere, and always attentive to just one person given the impact of our schedules and commitments we make to and with others? I think not - we are all part of a community. There is only one who can be all to everyone and He is not any of us.

How you act, based on your morals and beliefs, will determine whether the outcome is positive or negative. I have had many an occasion where I relied on my feelings instead of on my faith -and entered into friendships/relationships that became toxic. Toxic, in that I allowed others to overwhelm my life and control my emotions, to the point where I lost sight of the prize and limited my own endeavors to pursue my dreams and purpose. The outcome is not a positive one. I have had to apologize many times and though I do my hardest to seek to understand, I will probably have to do it again. That said, when I make mistakes, I try to learn something new about myself and about others. In the end, if everyone could do this it would serve to make us better by understanding a little bit more about why we do what we do, to ourselves and thus to others.

When we operate from faith and from purpose; a viewpoint of love and trust; open and honest communication can flow. Our friendships grow strong and develop into lasting relationships. We can then make choices that serve others instead of ourselves and we learn to treat ourselves and others with respect and dignity. Accept grace - It's a lesson that is hard to learn but it is worth it.

Live well - Be Well!

Stephen

Against The Wind...

Will you find yourself seeking shelter against the wind? Am I the only one who struggles with what to leave in & what to leave out? I think not.
Life is a constant battle of the mind; mind over matter, mind over distraction, mind over the constant negative media and feedback from others as you swim upstream, against the current. The questions, the unsolicited feedback, the constant negative. The constant need to find that which motivates and drives you forward - What's next? What can I be doing now? How do I get there?

Plan, Do, Check, and Adjust for success.
It takes courage to chase your dreams; to do the things necessary to achieve them, and to stand up to those who have so little, they try to steal yours away from you. We all have the ability to develop the courage necessary, when will you begin?

I am the only person stopping me from reaching my vision for the future - want to guess who's stopping you?
Get hungry, get angry, get busy, join me in this battle.

Live well - Be well!

Stephen

Lead, Follow, or move out of the way!!

Hello again my friends, how is your summer going? Are you keeping up with your favorite followings? Who or what are you following and why? Have you ever really thought about it in regard to the significance it plays in your life? Everybody follows - even if you follow only yourself! Is your following focused on entertainment (distraction) or education (improvement)? Do you have the need for both? I read a quote that said, "The ability to succeed at anything lies in your ability to not be distracted." I believe that this applies to many things in LIFE, certainly the Who, What, and Why of our chosen "following" is no exception.

Sports teams, TV shows, talk radio, celebrities, NASCAR, unhealthy addictions, the list of distractions goes on forever. I think about the people I meet, and even the person I used to be not so long ago, who spend countless hours and tens of thousands of their hard-earned income chasing someone else's dream. These are the same people who wonder why their income is not keeping pace with their expenses, or why other people just seem to be "lucky" that they have more time or money. Don't get me wrong, it does feel good to know that your team overcame adversity and had an epic win, but did your child play on that team? Did you? What lesson did you learn from your experience that you can share with others to help them grow? How did the time spent move you closer to achieving your dreams?

I believe it is much more important to focus on things that really make a difference in our LIFE. Do you still have the ability to dream? How can we contribute toward fixing the economy? What are we to do about the sense of entitlement and complacency that has affected our society? What is my God-given purpose and How do I make the most of it? How can we find and elect men and women of character to work together and lead our country back into prosperity? How can I learn and grow and be a positive influence? How can I improve my performance at work?

Do you know that a majority of Americans don't read anything after leaving their last educational institution? Did you know that those who do - read only 1-2 books annually? (My question is what are they reading?!) The following that I pursue and recommend highly is progress as in progressive thought, coaching, and learning. I have found that if you are not striving to improve, to move forward, you are going backwards. Nobody "stays the same" when others are consistently learning and growing. Don't believe me? Try to do all of your child's homework for a week. Talk to anyone who is currently unemployed and looking for work in this currently flooded pool of job seekers.

In recent years I was lucky enough to be introduced to some men and women who have created a community determined to afford all it's members (followers) the tools needed to succeed in all 8 key areas of LIFE. One of the primary reasons for their success is their ability to learn and teach - learn faster than the competition, put that knowledge to the test, and then teach what has been learned. Knowledge applied consistently over time = the ability to succeed. Success leaves clues - these are usually found in books written by those who have been through the struggle to victory in pursuit of their dreams, but we have to read them to understand how it was done. Be careful who you get your advice from, do they have the success that you want? I invite you to ask/consider such questions in your own life. Consider joining us on our quest to connect a million people together as leaders in the quest for LIFE! Talk about a following of significance! Wishing you all the best!

Live Well - Be Well!

Stephen

Friends for L.I.F.E.

The Team community building business has indeed carved out a unique position in the world of commerce with the concept of LIFE (Living Intentionally For Excellence). Since many of the people (blogs) whom I am following have already explained this concept in great detail - I won't cover all the aspects again here, but I do intend to focus on each of the 8 F's over the next few weeks to give you a feel for, and perhaps inspire you to consider, how you apply each of them in your life. I stress the word apply, because the concept of Life is just that - it is developing an understanding of each of the 8 F's and then applying them into your life with specific intent.
The first of the F's is Faith. My relationship with God is personal and it will suffice to say that I believe, and I know why I believe what I believe - I pray that you can say the same about your faith!
The second F is Family - I have one and I love them unconditionally.
The third F is Friendship, my topic for today's thoughts.

I was talking with a friend (a very dear friend) about planning a summer trip and whom of our friends we would invite to come and stay with us. This got us both discussing who we consider to be our friends and why? I mean you don't really invite just anyone you "know" to come and live with you for a period of time do you? There's a difference between an acquaintance and true friendship, yes? I don't mean to sound harsh but given the key differences between the two, I believe that most of us have much more of the former than the latter, and I'm not so sure that many people stop and realize this until its too late and someone disappoints us.

I believe that the key differences between the two are the value and degree of trust that is shared between the parties concerned. Not to say that I don't value and trust my acquaintances, but certainly true friends deservedly have a much deeper level of mutual commitment. I place a high degree of value on the fact that I have a few people in my life that I can be whatever and whomever I am with with zero fear that I won't be ridiculed or shunned (at least not in a mean-spirited way!). A true friend has your back, has your best interest in mind, and is free to say whatever they feel is right because trust has been established and they speak with love in their heart. Some of the other words I could use are: mutually beneficial, easy, forgiving, grace filled, flexible. Far too often I hear people in general complain about how a "friend" has let them down or just plain don't have nice things to say about others that they title their "friends". If someone is really your friend or vice-versa, such actions represent a complete lack of regard for the character and understanding of the concept of friendship just described.

So, that said - how many people in your life truely meet these criteria and Is it possible to have too many true friends? Is there a limit on how many people you can truly know, love, and trust on an up-close and personal level? My friend said, "yes, because part of true friendship is that you are there (physically) for that person whenever they need you." I disagree on that point. While it is true that you can't be all things to all people, you can develop many deep friendships over time and not necessarily with the person next door. The key factor here is trust. President R.Reagan once said, "Trust, but verify!" Therefore it can be given freely but it takes time to develop and earn it deeply.
The people in my life that share their lives, thoughts, and dreams with me have come from both near and far. I grew up and went to school with some, others have come from my career associations , and still others from random events in my life. I have only a few great friendships and until recently I really hadn't considered that more would be a good thing. I always thought that less is more, but now as I grow older and have discovered a new appreciation for learning, reading, sharing, and growing - I feel that we have so much to learn from and share with each other. Perhaps it is God's intention for all of us to develop and have deep understanding for our fellow man and "to be there" means not just physically, but emotionally - both far and wide. I urge you to dare to build as many true friendships as you can, for the benefits are many and the impact on our society will be great.
High trust amongst men shall lead to His grace spread freely upon the earth.

Live Well - Be Well!
Stephen

Here & NOW vs. There and THEN

Was up very late (early) last evening because I couldn't sleep. My body was tired, my muscles are aching, but I was awake - fully awake in my mind. The reason? I was dreaming! No, not sleep-walking or rem-stage - my brain had taken ahold of the future that I envision for myself, and it simply would not let go. Was I mad or upset that I couldn't sleep? Not even a little!

I have to tell you, "seeing" your future in your mind's eye is a powerful thing. Great achievers in history and today - from all over the globe - agree; picturing your dreams is a key component to everything you ever hope to achieve in your life - I believe it is the key in everything you do. Think about it, when spring comes around here in NE - what do you do when you look at your yard - do you see it as it is or do you picture it as you want it to be? When you interact with your children, do you picture the effect that your words will have on them now and in the future? The great achievers in life do this - regularly!

I dare you - identify where your are at in your life - really take a hard cold look at your life; are you where you pictured yourself; as a child, as a young adult, as you figured you would be by this time in your life?
Write it out - what do you really want your days to look like? Picture it - see yourself attaining it - let a community of people help you - it beats going it alone and spending sleepless nights because you have lost sight of your dreams!

Live Well - Be Well!

Stephen

Passionate Pursuit or Posturising?

We all have our crosses to bear in our lives, yes? Our past helps us to be prepared for the present; Our present is the basis for our future. Life is always hard for those of us that strive to move forward in every aspect of our lives, those of us that want more, want to contribute, want to make a difference in the lives of all that we touch. There is a common thread amongst people that have a passion for creating a legacy in our lives - Life gets a bit harder in the short-term for we are never satisfied with maintaining. We learn and think and act in a way that drives us to be different, to consistently become better people, to lead, to achieve more. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to the point that I think we can lose touch with the day to day struggles that we all face because we are focused so much on where we want to go, and be, and do. I was told recently that I tend to be misleading in the way that I present myself to others - that I am somehow not being honest to myself. A good friend said that it's like the circumstances and challenges that I face on a day to day basis just doesn't affect me the way that they do to most - in that I appear not to pay them any attention, the problems, not my friend! It made me think about who I am, what I am passionate about, and why. Am I so focused that I become unrelatable? I think that it does happen. I focus so much on the potential in situations and people that at times that I forget that to get to where we are going we must first know where we are. You can't get from A to Z if you don't know where A is, right? The short answer is that I do have many challenges; Children, Family, Business partners, business concepts, bills, debt, relationships, etc. You name it - I'm sure I have something along those lines. However, I have trained myself to look beyond them. Sure they're important, but they're just temporary setbacks and challenges that I will overcome to achieve the vision that I have for my life. It does me no good to focus on a shortage of income now that can be overcome by doing the things I need to do to create a larger income later. This is called long term vision. It is a key principle to success in anything. So, who do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see yourself as you are now or do you see yourself as you will be in the future? I summize that perhaps it is important to see both. Take stock in today's struggles by paying attention, but also keep focused on the long-term solutions. As in most things, balance is good. I'll try to stay relatable, but don't expect me to stay in any one spot for too long - I have a dream! (I encourage you to chase yours with me.) Live Well - Be Well! Stephen

The Heart of the Matter

John Eldridge wrote in his book Wild at Heart, that there are three basic things in every man's heart and soul: A Battle to Fight; An Adventure to Live; A Beauty to Rescue. After reading this I was shocked at how closely my life reflected much of this. My relationships with others, especially women, have all clearly reflected these concepts, however, I never really understood much of the "why" part. It's not that we are literally born to go to war, or discover the last resting place of the Holy Grail, or even be the hero that rescues the damsel in distress - but metaphorically, yes! We men need to feel important, respected, perhaps even honored from time to time - yet also to remain humble, lest we develop an ego (which is short for "Edging God Out" of our lives). I think it's very important men come to realize that perhaps they too have much of these ideals represented in their lives. I highly recommend you read the book, as John provides sound reasoning that has been garnered from many years of counselling others to describe why men act the way they do and how women can better understand them (us) as well. Hopefully a clearer understanding of our motives shall lead us to, perhaps facilitate, a more harmonius existence between and amongst the sexes, yes? I watched an interview today with John and his wife and it got me thinking about the book again. What I took from it, and how I have applied the information I gained; not only how I interact with other men and women in my life, but also how I see many of my friends and acquaintences behave. I believe that He is using me to teach others and clearly I have much more to learn in regard. I firmly believe that we never stop learning, and every new experience adds to the whole, whether it is positive or negative. While many of my endeavors have ended up being "learning experiences", some have produced excellent examples of the impact that making the right choice has on one's life. It never ceases to amaze me how much opportunity we have to influence others as we learn and grow ourselves in our own understanding of why we do the things that we do. This is also true in our ability to learn the same from others' experience, yes? I hope that I have influenced your thoughts in a positive way today - perhaps even inspired you to do something decidedly different. That hope makes this crazy life of mine worth the effort. Read, learn, grow, share - and fight the good fight! Live Well - Be Well! Stephen

Depth Perception

In my business community there is this concept we call depth. The main principle of depth is that the growth of the business can be measured by the volume of people that are joining us at the bottom of each business center (or "leg") in any given period of time. I was thinking about that today and I realized that my perception of this concept goes much deeper than that - pardon the pun. To me depth in our business community includes depth of knowledge, depth of character, and depth of commitment. I believe that this is as much a key ingredient to the success of the individual as it is to the organization as a whole. In order to be successful, one must develop a deep knowledge of their chosen field. To do that, one must have sufficient character to the extent he/she can be committed or dedicated to a tireless pursuit of excellence. In "Talent is Overrated" by G. Colvin, the author states that "[talent is not necessarily inherent...talent is most often created by the individual through deliberate practice carried out over a period of time]". Meaning that great performance or great success in any specific action or direction in life, is usually preceeded by a specific learning process deliberately carried out and evaluated/measured over time toward a specific goal or set of goals. It is simply not enough to train or practice at things over & over again and expect outstanding results. Repetition in & of itself is not enough. To become truely great at anything requires evaluation of results and grading oneself on performance in order to identify what you are good at & in what areas are you not so good. Chris Brady calls this "Smart" practice. For example if you are a golfer and you consistently hit your 9 iron perfectly onto the green from 100 yards out, practicing this shot over & over again is not going to improve your inability to hit 300 yards with your driver! This rule genarally applies to most things in life, however it is seemingly little known and applied sparingly, if at all at the career level. I've found that both personally and professionally, many people seem to think, as I did, that you either have it - or you don't! That some people just have a natural ability to do things well and some don't. While there is some truth to that, many simply plod along their career path growing in experience, but not really growing in expertise. Orrin Woodward once stated that "20 years on the job is not necessarily 20 years of experience; Frequently it is 1 year of experience repeated 20 times over". I've found through reading and learning and associating with people who have much more success and/or experience than me; that the great ones, those that excell at practically anything, learned how to be great. They identified their goal and then worked on their weaknesses in that endeavor until they became strengths. To become the best, we too can and must adopt the concepts of depth. It is something that can be applied by anyone willing to focus long enough to achieve what they want out of life. It's not easy, but what great thing was ever achieved with ease? When you see those who have achieved great things do you still think they were just lucky or did they work really hard to get there? I assure can assure you, as one who aspires to a better than average level of significance in life, it is and takes hard "smart" work. This is yet another reason why I feel the Team is making a difference in the lives of many on our way to a global community of a million people. Take time-tested principles, apply personal perspective, and drive depth to succeed in a way that the world has never seen before. "Living the dream" I hear people say to me in jest - I urge you to take your life into your own hands and actually do it with us. Live Well - Be Well! Stephen

Life Balance

I read many books by many authors on the subjects of life coaching (business, personal perspective, attitude, etc) most of which essentially describe the ability to lead a "balanced" life. What say you? What is life balance? It is the degree to which you address and improve the areas of your life that need the most attention - ie: how can I improve myself & my quality of life? It has been a constant struggle all my life to determine just what will work , but for my life, the order of importance has become quite clear; God - Family - Business. A seemingly simple enough formula, yet when one is out of sequence to the others (as happens all too often), the impact can be considerable and consequences always result. Consider how working too much impacts your quality of family life - or how a lack of faith may impact your ability to believe in yourself - or how a strained relationship within your family or with your spouse can impact your work or health? 2010 was one of those years where impact and consequence were at an all-time high, for me and for many of the people that I know and have met over the past 12 months for sure. Financially, employment wise, relationships, etc., etc. I suppose this would be where many could begin to criticise, condemn, and complain - but I choose not to participate in that because I know though learning and associating with others that it (life) is what I make of it (insert famous quote here). The bigger the challenge, the bigger the reward for overcoming it, and my faith sustains me through the hardest of these times. I will say that the events of the past year have forced me to learn much about myself, my abilities, the perceptions of others, and the dynamics of the relationships that I have with God and others in my family, my community and my business. There were many learning opportunities last year and many were not what I expected - both good and bad. All of them have contributed to the person that I am, and the direction in which I am headed. I have adopted and frequently recommend to others that to be truly balanced, this order of priority (God, Family, Business) has to be applied to each aspect of your life; what we call in the TEAM business community, the "8-F's" (Faith, Family, Fitness, Finances, Friends, Following, Freedom, Fun). Think of a wagon wheel supported by eight spokes representing your life. If the spokes are all different lengths, your "wheel" isn't very round & as your life turns, it is not so smooth is it? This process is best begun by actually identifying (by thought and written word) what it is that you want, have, and desire in each of these areas. (I ranked each on a scale of 1 to 20 and then drew the wheel with appropriately sized "spokes".) Only by documenting such things can you truly have any real ability to hold yourself accountable to them. Those that have the best results allow others to do so as well. This is especially effective when you share these values with your partner, family, or mentor (you do have a mentor, yes?) The next step involves thinking about what you are doing and why, so that when faced with challenges as they come along, instead of being reactionary, you can have the ability to make proactive decisions before acting in any given situation and frequently avoid many situations altogether. Ask yourself - What is God trying to tell me? How will this impact my family? Is my decision to act in line with my core values and character? When applied consistently over time, before long you will have developed this as a habit and will have joined the ranks of many of the most successful people amongst us. In addition, when you act in alignment with your core values, you are able to build trust in yourself and in your relationships with others. Because it is directly connected with Human emotions and perceptions, trust can be difficult and frequently subjective; but suffice to say that trust and relationships are frequently misunderstood until one knows their own core values. So, I urge you to ask of yourself; Am I doing everything I can to address balance in my life, or could I do more? The journey begins by acting on the decision to take that first step. Choose wisely my friends. Until next time... Live Well - Be Well! Stephen